I Am Devastated

When the news first came out, i was watching the Udayan Mukherjee's views on CNBC TV18, when they just broke in to show the live broadcast from Taj. Initially, i was a bit irritated not realising what the whole fuss was about. I switched channels to get the better picture. I felt cold.
As soon as i gathered myself, i called up my friend who resides in south bombay and asked him his whereabouts. But honestly, i thought the army would be called in and the issue would be quelled in no time. With that thought i calmed myself to sleep. But i had overestimated the sensibility of my govt and like everyone underestimated the power of the terrorists. What i thought to be just common cold turned out to be influenza.

But it honestly suprised me that even someone like the ATS chief Mr. Hemant Karkare could go so ill-prepared for combat. It took his death for the government to call the NSG. One lasting image would be to see a old havaldar standing outside the Taj with a pistol in hand, when the terrorists had AK series.

The next day came and there was no end in sight. That was when i felt i was slowly going into depression. The thought that this could happen anywhere and that no amount of security at our homes can ever stop what happened at Taj or Trident. When guys have guns, it always tough. Watch "Bowling for Columbine" !

It still did not end on the second night. The next day, i was finished. I realised that fear had gotten the better of me. I was scared to step out. I was scared to drive to work. I was scared to go for any meetings. I looked at eveyone with suspicion. After lunch, i saw a man wearing a skul cap sitting behind me. The first thought that came to me was, is he a muslim ? Sorry, i became paranoid. Things came on the head, when there was this rumor about shooting at CST, which was supported by these irresponsible TV wallas. I found it hard to even breath. Felt better when i realised it was only a rumor. But the fear had not gone.

I realise that life would not be the same, atleast for sometime. No malls, so no movies in theatres, no plays and no concerts. I consider myself fortunate that there was no attack on Sunday - 23rd nov. I was at a concert at the NCPA. I dont know when i would ever go to public places again. I dont feel to bad about not visiting malls and movie theatres but i feel bad about plays and concerts. They are experiences which one needs to be actually there to enjoy. No amount of videos or MP3s, would ever simulate entirely the feeling.

And guess what these politicians were all along just busy blaming each other. Where was Raj Thackrey ? And guess what, with all this we have parties like Shiv Sena who were mulling over a bundh on 1st Dec. After all this we are expected to vote ! Please let me know whom do we vote ?

Sorry, i am not resilient. I find it tough to bounce back. I cannot get up the next day and assume that everything is fine. I am a human being damn it ! And i want to enjoy life.. but now i am completely DEVASTATED!